Off the Beaten Path

Nepal

2006-04-28T14:43:00.000-05:00

I love hearing our president talk about why we went to war in Iraq. Almost every speech he gives, or his staff gives, tells us that we are fighting for the people of Iraq. We deposed of a tyrant leader who was ruling only for himself and terrorizing his people. We have brought to the people of Iraq the right to a democratic government, which apparently was what the people of Iraq have always wanted but were denied due to their despot leader. It was our moral obligation as a fellow free democratic society to step in and save them from tyranny and bring to them the joy of free elections.

For some reason, however, this natural right to democracy and this moral obligation to step in and make things democratic only applies to countries in the Middle East and to countries that aren’t very vocal in their desire for democracy. Apparently only Middle Eastern countries are eligible for help from the United States in becoming a democracy. Those other nations throughout the world who want democracy must fend for themselves.

Since 1980 the people of Nepal have voiced their desire for free democratic elections. They have taken to the streets in protest, as a nation, twice (once in 1990 and again in 2006). Both times the people were able to force negotiations with the King and his government and both times a free democratic system of government was promised to them. From 1991 until 2001 there was a very unstable attempt at a constitutional monarchy in Nepal but due to the inexperience of the Nepalese government these years consisted mostly of a constantly bickering house, government corruption and in 1996 a Maoist bid to take control of the countries parliament from within that resulted in a civil war, which has caused the deaths of over 13,000 Nepalese people.

In 2001 the crown Prince, after having a fight with his father, killed his family with two automatic weapons before turning the guns on himself. The end result of this catastrophe was a new King on the throne who promised democratic reforms and political change. In 2004 with the resurgence of the Maoist resistance to the monarch’s rule and the continuation of political instability public support for the king began to greatly diminish.

To crush the Maoist movement, in 2005, the King dismissed the entire government and took back full executive powers. Through that time there was a continuing Maoist movement and public disapproval of the king. In early 2006 a joint, nationwide strike, led by The Seven Party Alliance and supported by the Maoist movement took place to protest the King’s idea of multi-party democracy. Finally, due to the civil-unrest on April 21 of 2006 the King announced that he would give up absolute power and would return power to the people. Then on April 24^th the King called for the reinstatement of the House of Representatives, which has led to today, Friday April 28^th, being the first meeting of the new Nepalese government.

I know I have gone on a kind of tangent giving the history of Nepalese politics but I ask you now where were the United States during all of this. We are talking about a nation where the people, as a nation, have publicly voiced their desire to form a democratic government. A nation that has come so close to forming a government that failure was only due to inexperience and tragedy. If the United States feels a moral obligation to help other countries to form democracies what better chance than this to illustrate this cause? They wouldn’t even have had to send in troops, all they would have had to do was send advisors, yet, still nothing. Why you ask? Well, at the end of the day what good would helping Nepal do for the United States? Nothing really. They are not a super-power by any means. They have no global weight to throw around and most importantly they have no natural resources that could aid the United States financially in any way. This all leads me back to my point. When you hear that the reason why we are in Iraq is to spread democracy can you really believe them? Especially when there was a nation, such as Nepal, where the people have been practically begging for democracy, as a nation, for almost thirty years?

My answer is no, of course not. Spreading democracy is the excuse that the Unites States likes to use to give itself some moral ground to walk on when we do things for our own gain. We have used this excuse before in places such as Vietnam and Korea and where did that get us. Luckily for us our technology is such that it is easier for us to go to war and wipe out entire defense forces quickly allowing us to walk in and take over. Yet, I have a feeling that if Iraq weren’t a big desert and was instead a jungle covered landscape we might very well be in the same position we were in back in the 60’s and 70’s.

After saying all this I would like to say that I am one of those people who believes in what George Washington, our first President, believed. I believe that the Unites States should not interfere with international problems and become entangled in affairs that we have no reason to be involved with. So instead of the United States helping Nepal it is my belief that the United States should never have gotten itself involved with the Middle East at any point in it’s history. The only reason why we are there and the only reason why we have ever gotten ourselves involved in any international conflict, is for our own gain, either politically or financially. We may claim that we are doing things to help people but we all know that at the end of the day if there is no political or financial advantage to getting ourselves involved in something, we wont get involved. Sad but true.

Iran

2006-04-28T14:26:00.000-05:00

So, Iran is developing nuclear weapons. There are those in the United States that would have you believe that this is a threat to the global community and that a terrorist state such as Iran should not be allowed to have weapons of this kind because they will use them for evil purposes. Granted, Iran has some ties to certain terrorist organizations and it’s true that the leaders of Iran harbor few good feelings towards countries such as the United States or Israel. One must consider, however, how the Iranians must be thinking.

If you were the Iranian government and you were to look at the history of the Middle east from the beginning of last century up until the present I think that you, yourself, might actually feel the same way that the Iranians do and you, also, might find the incentive to defend yourselves in the same fashion that the Iranians are doing.

At the end of World War II the nations of the west felt so guilty about the Holocaust that they decided to give the Jewish people a country of their own. To do this, however, they had to displace a large number of locals (who, mind you, were not Jewish) and move them elsewhere. It is this kind of disregard for the peoples of the Middle East that is one of the main roots of this conflict.

At the time of the creation of Israel, Israel was surrounded by all Islamic nations, Egypt, Palestine, Iraq, Iran, etc. So, even though the nations of the west backed Israel in every conflict that has arisen between Israel and the Islamic nations there were still enough countries in the Middle East to form a kind of alliance to help each other out. Today, of course, things are different.

As of today, both Afghanistan and Iraq are, for the most part, colony-like entities of the United States. There are large numbers of United States troops in each of these countries. Israel has grown in power to the point where their standing army can effectively defend itself and the world has done nothing but allow the United States to declare war with impunity.

If you were to look at a map of the Middle East, the precarious position of Iran might also make itself visible. Iraq borders Iran on the west and Afghanistan borders Iran, directly opposite, on the east. The Caspian Sea is the northern border to Iran and the Persian Gulf is the southern border, it is almost a one hundred percent guarantee that there are United States military ships in at least one, if not both, of those bodies of water. Taking all of this into account Iran is, effectively speaking, surrounded on all sides by United States military forces. On top of this the United States does not feel the need to hide, in any way, it’s dislike of Iran.

So I ask you, if you were a small nation who suddenly found itself surrounded by one of the most powerful armies in the world because this army was allowed, without reservation, to attack two of your neighboring allies, wouldn’t you feel the need to try and defend yourself? Especially if that surrounding army was so technologically advanced that they have the capability of wiping out most of your standing defense systems within a matter of days thus leaving you almost entirely defenseless?

I am not saying that I approve of Iran having nuclear weapons, but then again I do not approve of the United States having any kind of weapons either, especially since we are so immature as to just use our weapons to take over small countries and try and control the planet. All I am saying is that before people say that Iran is evil for developing nuclear weapons, look at where they are and look at the recent events that have shaped the Middle East and ask yourself, how would you feel if you were in their shoes?

Today's Multiple Posts

2006-04-28T14:21:00.000-05:00

The following two posts are political in nature and have an anti-US policies flavor to them (as do many of my posts) so if you do not like to hear criticism about the US or if you do not like to read polotical points of view then continue no further. Anyway, on with the posts....

Manhattan College RFC (post 3 of today)

2006-02-07T11:19:00.000-05:00

Just a quick note to all those who read this. Manhattan College has recently formed a Rugby squad and we have just posted our schedule online. The site is http://www.mcrugby.741.com all of the information that you need to know is on there. Just click on the link and navigate the page. If you get the chance please come out and support us at one of our matches, on our first season. Thanks.

Man's Inhumanity to Man (post 2 of today)

2006-02-07T10:20:00.000-05:00

This past Friday something happened to me and my girlfriend that has caused me to experience a number of feelings and emotions. I have always tried to believe in the overall goodness of human nature and the general sensibility of the human race. Both of these views have been challenged in me. I have also always tried to think of myself as a more peaceful person, but this incident has caused me to question what is truly inside of me. On Saturday morning at 2:30 AM while sitting at the 125th street subway station for the Bronx bound 1 train a man grabbed and stole Melissa's purse.

I cannot help but feel an extreme amount of anger at the person who did this. In fact, if I had been able to catch this person while I chased him, I am almost afraid of what might have happened. That night, I found in me a rage and passion that I did not truly know existed. I found that if someone, anyone, were to intentionally hurt one of those that I love and care about, there is nothing that would stop me from wanting to bring harm to those who perpetrated the hurtful act.

One can argue that the man's financial situation in our society has caused him to resort to stealing people's belongings and that instead of getting upset with this person we should help him. In my opinion it is never right to hurt or steal from other people. To intentionally hurt someone, in my opinion, is the lowest possible thing a human can do. There are no excuses for hurting other people.

Self-preservation is a feeling that all animals feel. It is what, in the wild, allows animals to survive. Animals will stop at nothing to survive. I would like to think that our human sensibility would be able to counter that feeling of self-preservation that is biologically imbedded into all of us. Yet it seems that is not the case, however. Every intentionally hurtful act that is done to one human by another human has its origins in self-preservation. Even hurtful comments can be attributed to this; one would rather commit an intentionally hurtful action against another rather than compromise their own peace of mind.

I am still very upset about what happened this weekend. I feel that I was too careless and did not pay enough attention to the situation at hand. I feel that maybe I did not react fast enough to the situation and I feel that I did not run fast enough to catch the guy. Whenever I look back on what happened I feel that there are a million little things that I could have done to prevent this from happening. I am very happy, however, that Melissa is okay. I know that she is upset with what has happened and I know that she is still uneasy but she is okay. I wish to take this opportunity to apologize for what happened and I am sorry for all those things that I could have done to prevent this from happening. Sorry.

Has the Whole World Gone Mad? (post 1 of today)

2006-02-07T10:17:00.000-05:00

At what point should our planet stop, take a step back and ask itself what the fuck are we doing?! Last September a Danish newspaper ran a series of cartoons depicting the Islamic prophet Muhammad. Firstly, the comics themselves were controversial in the fact that they were poking fun at the supposed violent tendencies of the Islamic people and also making fun of the misinterpreted ideologies that exist in the Qur’an. Secondly, what the publishers of the comics did not know (or maybe did know and did not care) was that it is against the Islamic faith to depict the prophet Muhammad in any shape or form.

The initial publication of these cartoons set into motion a series of protests my European Muslims who found the cartoons to be far too controversial and asked for an apology from the papers that printed them. The initial response of the papers (as should have been predicted) was that freedom of the press and freedom of speech allowed for the printing of the comics. The complaints and protests that ensued were met with a wall of statements saying that there is nothing that can be done.

The problem could have ended there, but for some reason, deep seeded animosity between the religions and cultures of the Middle East and the Western world seem to have allowed for this problem to smolder and slowly fester over time. Then, this past month, a series of papers from countries such as Spain, Germany, Norway, Denmark and even New Zealand, republished all of the original comics.

I cannot think of any possible reason for these papers to have republished these cartoons other than purposely sticking it to the Islamic peoples and to show that they can do or say anything they want because of the freedoms of our culture. This issue, if left alone, could have died over time. It could have faded away and never been seen or heard from again. Unfortunately, with the republication of these cartoons the world seems to be coming apart at the seams.

The problem has even spread to countries such as Thailand, Indonesia, India and even New Zealand. The issue at hand has grown to such a fervor and has stirred so many people into action that Islamic extremists are using it to fuel their own wars by making up propaganda by saying that the current issue is a Zionist conspiracy against the Islamic faith.

I firmly stand behind the freedom of speech. I believe that it is the right for anyone on this planet to be able to voice their opinions and views in any way they see fit. I do not, however, agree with people who use this freedom in such a way as to snub others or to purposely offend others as these papers have done when they republished the cartoons. One of the greatest things about having freedoms is having the maturity and responsibility to wield these freedoms. Just because you can say to something offensive to someone that you hate, not mean that you should. The countries of the West have grown too complacent with the idea that they can get away with anything at no cost. This has turned the countries into very immature and irresponsible entities and unfortunately I do not see this whole incident changing any of that.

Below is a timeline take from www.BBC.co.uk. The BBC have been doing a very good job at following this story and trying to report the issues as unbiased as possible. For all of you who wish to know more about what is going on or who wish to follow this issue the BBC is where I would recommend to go for your news.

2006

· 7 February: Several hundred Iranians attack the Danish embassy in Tehran as the country announces it is cutting all trade ties with Denmark.

· 6 February: Protests claim lives - at least five people are killed in Afghanistan, and a teenage boy dies after protesters attack police in Somalia.

· 5 February: Lebanese demonstrators set the Danish embassy in Beirut on fire. Interior Minister Hassan Sabeh resigns over the violent protests.

· 4 February: Syrians attack Danish and Norwegian embassies in Damascus, prompting UN chief Kofi Annan to call for calm.

· 2 February: The editor of the French newspaper France Soir is sacked for printing the cartoons.

· 1 February: Papers in France, Germany, Italy and Spain reprint the caricatures, defying Muslim outrage.

· 31 January: The Danish paper apologises. The Danish prime minister welcomes the apology but defends the freedom of the press.

· 30 January: Gunmen raid the EU's offices in Gaza, demanding an apology over the cartoons.

· 26 January: Saudi Arabia recalls its ambassador to Denmark, while Libya says it is closing its embassy in Copenhagen.

· 10 January: A Norwegian newspaper reprints the cartoons.

2005

· 20 October: Ambassadors from 10 Islamic countries complain to the Danish prime minister about the cartoons.

· 30 September: A series of cartoons, some depicting the Prophet Muhammad as a terrorist, are published by Danish newspaper Jyllands-Posten.

Hamas and the Middle East

2006-01-27T13:51:00.000-05:00

The history of the Middle East is as varied and bloody as any one place could possibly be. The Middle East is the birthplace for modern humanity. It is the birthplace for most of the modern major civilizations. It is the birthplace of three of the largest world wide organized religions. The thing is, is that all of these "births" happened a very long time ago. I find it funny that people around the world cannot seem to see beyond their own beliefs and history to realize the above fact. Jerusalem is not just an important city to the Christian religion, it is also important to the Jewish faith and the Islamic faith.

I can even see some people not realizing that all three religions pray to THE EXACT SAME GOD. If an Islamic person says "God bless you" and a Christian says "God bless you" they are talking about the exact same entity. The Christian faith uses almost the entire Jewish holy book as one section of their holy book with only a few additions and a slight order change. The Islamic faith recognizes Jesus (or Joshua) as a prophet of God and they accept that he existed and walked the Earth. Yet for some reason we cannot seem to share these holy places because we allow for the mixing of politics and religion and no one seems to be able to keep an open mind about other people's beliefs. "They" are wrong "We" are right ... the end!

People also fail to realize that the Middle East saw the rise and fall of such great empires as the Phoenicians, the Greeks, the Egyptians even the Byzantine Empire was mostly in and around the Middle East as was the Roman Empire. All of that history is centered around the Middle East and yet all we can do think about how much oil there is and if we could just wipe out all of the "infidels" in the area and take control we could control the world and make billions upon billions of dollars.

The radical group Hamas in Palestine recently won a majority of the seats in their countries ruling government. I can just see all of the leaders of the West who “encourage” smaller nations to embrace democracy going “….SHIT!” The people of Palestine did exactly as they were told and informed to do. They held a perfectly fair democratic election and elected a government that they wanted, it just so happens that the government elected is not one that agrees with out political and ideological agenda so what do we do now? We become the big bad bullies that we always are and hope and pray that this government will be overthrown or overruled or whatever end we can think of.

I will be the first to admit that Hamas is not the best of organizations. They are responsible for many of the suicide bombings in Israel and have a very vocal opinion about the destruction of the nation of Israel. We cannot, however, ignore the fact that they do look out for the best interest of their people. Hamas has done more for the people of their country over the past few years than the previous government did and the previous government had millions of dollars a year being poured into the government from Europe and the U.S. We are upset with the choice that the people of Palestine have made in their elections but it is still their choice, I mean come on we elected George W. Bush … twice!!

Terrorists...

2006-01-20T15:58:00.000-05:00

Well, it seems Mr. Osama bin Laden is alive and kicking (or at least he was alive and kicking when he taped his last message). As per usual there were threats of impending attacks on the West, especially the U.S.A., and the usual anti-United States banter. There was, however, something new this time around. This time there was also talk of a truce. Now to me this is amazing news. It shows that Osama bin Laden and his group are open minded enough and are actually looking out for the people of the Middle East and not just for themselves. (Of course I don't think that being an international terrorist is really a healthy way to look after oneself but I deigress).

This talk of a truce, however, got a very different response from the White House. Apparantly we do not make truces with terrorists. The funny thing is is that the so called terrorists do not view themselves as terrorists. They are soldiers in a war against the U.S. and as such can as for a truce, even for a short time, to help the peoples of their countries. What many in the U.S. fail to realize is that the so called terrorists under Osama bin Laden are (for all intents and purposes) at the same level as those who followed William Wallace in 1297 fight against the English. The Scots who fought alongside William Wallace were considered patriots of Scotland who did what they had to to fight against a larger more powerful force.

Look at the stories of Sir Robin of Loxley or more commonly known as Robin Hood. Now if you ask me, someone who leads a bunch of men who live in athe wild who evade the local law enforcement because what they do is attack and steal from one type of person to give to another type of person in the name of what they believe is "right" sounds a lot like what Osama bin Laden is doing. The tales of Robin Hood are sotries that every child is taught at some point because our society feels that a man fighting for his ideals is something worth while. Stories like that of Robin Hood are made to teach us that when the cause is right and just that we are allowed to fight against the standing regime if that regime is acting in such a way that is "evil". Our very government is based off of that fact, the Declaration of Independance says the following:

"But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security."

So are those men and women who fought against Britain, for our independance, any way they could to get them off American soil, any different than those fighting for their own freedoms and their own culture in the Middle East?

Now do not misundertand me, I am in no way agreeing with the actions of the terrorists. I think that violence never truly solves a problem, it just leads to more violence. All I am saying is that I can bring myself to understand why they do what they do. To them fighting the West and getting them out of their countries is right and just and part of me has to agree. The only reason why Western governments have any real interest in the area is because of the oil that is produced there. The U.S. would never tolerate the military presence of any other country on U.S. soil yet we expect other countries to allow us to build bases and so on because we are the mighty U.S.

So before any of you go and say that the terrorists are all evil and cold hearted stop and think for a few minutes as to why they are doing what they are doing. Look at what they are fighting for. They see themselves as soldiers so when they offer a truce we should not just brush it aside and say we are the good guys and they are bad so no deal. We should sit down with them and see if we cannot just end this conflict without more bloodshed. Just think about it....

Update

2006-01-04T11:51:00.000-05:00

Well Happy 2006 everyone. The past week has been amazing. This past week has seen my younger brothers 21st birthday, and my dad's 50th. 2005 has passed and 2006 is here. I have been back to both Mai Thai (Riverdale) and Azuma (Huntington area), both of which Melissa and I are regulars. I have had a three and a half day weekend and I practically partied from midnight on Thursday till Midnight on Tuesday. As of right now I am taking a breather but will be back in action this Friday till Sunday when Melissa and I go snowboarding (for the first time ever which should be interesting). It is shaping up to be a good new year. It is time to put away all those regrets and heart aches from last year and start anew. It's a beautiful day, it's a beautiful year, embrace it and enjoy. See all of you later.

Back Again

2005-12-29T10:05:00.000-05:00

Well another Christmas has come and gone. The New Years is only a few days away and then the holiday season will be over. I hope you all got everything you wanted and I hope that you all had the rest you needed. I would put up a longer post but alas I am tired and busy. Ta.

Holiday Season

2005-12-23T11:31:00.000-05:00

Well, it's that time of year again. Time to put aside the world and enjoy the company of loved ones. Time to let old grudges die, time to forgive past mistakes. It's the time of year when we all should bring joy and happiness into each others lives. With that said, to all my loved ones and friends, I hope you all have a very happy holiday season. I hope you get everything that you wish for and nothing that bring you pain, grief or sorrow. I love you all.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Years everyone!!!

Quick

2005-12-21T15:52:00.000-05:00

Well, I just posted the pictures from the christmas party at Rev and Tommy's place. That was a fun party, just click on my photo's link on the side bar and enjoy. later folks.

TWU Strike

2005-12-20T10:30:00.000-05:00

So they finally did it. The Transit Workers Union is on strike. No buses or subways trains are operating today. NYC is estimated to lose $400 Million a day. The only way a car can make it below 96th street in Manhattan is to have four people in it, all other cars are turned away. Millions of students who depend upon the transit system to get to and from classes now have to find alternate modes of transportation.

The first thing I wish to say about all this is congratulations! Now I know that a lot of people are greatly peeved at the TWU for what they are doing, and I know that technically what they are doing is illegal, but what a lot of people do not remember is that this is capitalism. The TWU wants more money and benefits for their workers, can you blame them, wouldn't you want more money and benefits? The MTA does not want to give them everything they ask for because then the MTA won't have as much money for itself, thus they will lose the money and benefits that they want. Can you blame them, would you want to give away money?

The TWU realize that they have a huge bargaining chip, they have the power to cripple the city and cause ebough chaos and unrest that the MTA will have to sit up and take notice. Wouldn't you do the same thing? If you had the ability to bring a city to it's knees to get what you want, wouldn't you do it? This is our society, this is how we function, this is how we work. So all of those out there who are cursing the TWU right now thing about what you would do if you were in their shoes.

This strike is doing one really good thing though, it is forcing a lot of people to car pool. I wouldn't be surprised if today was the cleanest day in NYC history since before the gas powered engine became popular. No trains or buses were operating, and only cars that carried four passengers or more were allowed downtown. Everyone else was turned away. Many people rode bikes or walked to work. So not only has this strike shown people what a car pool is bt it also made many people more healthy even if just for a day.

Maybe, just maybe (if one dares to dream so high) this strike will last just long enough that car pooling will become ingrained in more people and people with just keep doing it after the strike ends and maybe this will allow for a cleaner, healthier city. Wouldn't that be nice?

The Christmas Season

2005-12-19T15:03:00.000-05:00

It has been an interesting week since the last time I posted anything. This week was the finals week for those at Manhattan College and Friday was the last day of finals for all of my friends. This clearly meant that Friday night was party night. A bunch of us got together and met up for dinner at the Thai place up in Riverdale and had a good dinner with some very good tea (haha). Then after dinner we went to my friend's apartment where we were drinking everything from Coors Light (eww) to Irish Car Bombs (yay!). The night went well and we all had a good time. Three of the girls there got slightly more than buzzed and due to this became sick.

The night ended well and everyone got home and into bed. The next day was just as action packed as the night before. In the morning (after getting up relatively later than usual) I had to dive one of my friends to the airport so she could go home (thankfully the MTA Union strike did not happen...yet). As soon as I got back from the airport I went to lunch at the Thai place again with Melissa (for the record that was the third time this week that we have been there and the fourth time in the past 10 days).

After lunch I (and my brother) went to the Christmas party that one of my co-workers was having at her place (because if I did not make an appearance she would have killed me on Monday). The party was fun (for the hour that I was there) mainly because she did not invite any of the engineers or our boss (thank God). So it was only the office staff which made for a much more interesting party.

After about an hour there I left back for Riverdale to pick up Melissa to drive her home. The drive was fun, rocking out the whole way and eating junk food. By the time we got to Melissa's John and I pretty much had to turn around and drive to my old roommates house (which, as it turns out, is only about 25 minutes away). My old roommate and his family were having a Christmas party at their house that evening.

The party lasted until about 3 AM. We all passed out and woke up the next morning at around 9ish to have a huge breakfast (as always). John and I left around 11 AM and headed home. We got home, showered, changed and got in the van with out parents and drove out to Connecticut for out families Christmas party at our cousins house.

My cousins and our family are rather close so our Christmas parties are usually very fun and relaxing. One of my cousins who also just graduated has her lease running out in March so she and I will most likely get an apartment together in the city this spring which means that I may be able to get broadband internet which means that I will be able to post at all hours of the day and night and will become and internet addict again (just like in school).

We got home late from our cousins and pretty much passed out when we got home. Today I had to get up for work again (which was tons of fun) and thus ended my (for the most part) 50 some odd hour long Christmas celebration. Now all I have to do is finish my Christmas shopping and get through this work week and make it to the actual holiday! Merry Christmas everyone.

More Pictures

2005-12-14T10:34:00.000-05:00

I posted some more pictures online. The album of me eating a lemon is just temporary. Those few photo's are from a larger album of 420 pictures (yeah I know that is a lot, don't judge) from the trip to Nova Scotia that I went on with two of my good friends this summer. Eventually I plan on posting all 420 (or at least as many as possible) pictures from that trip, but for now you can enjoy watching my friends be dumbfounded as I eat a lemon.

Also, there is an album of a night out at Rev and Tommy's place last year. They are extremely embarassing pictures of me but I figured what the hell and posted them anyway. I do want to thank the guys for that night, it was tons of fun. Anyway, I will have a real post for you all later. Ta.

Pictures

2005-12-13T10:05:00.000-05:00

Okay, for all of you who have been waiting to see the rest of my pictures from Spain I have just finished posting them and they should all be up. I hope you enjoy.

Wasted Time

2005-12-12T14:35:00.000-05:00

This is actually just a draft so excuse the errors...

* * *

It is amazing when one spends time with a loved one how, suddenly, it does not matter where you are, what time it is, or what has to be done that day. You could have the most pressing engagement but it just does not seem worth it to, let us say, get out of bed and leave the one you are holding (or is holding you, depending upon the situation). Time seems to become irrelevant. Things seem to pale in comparison.

In all seriousness what would you rather do, get up at 8 o’clock in the morning and go to work so that you can keep your job and make some money or, instead, wake up at 8 o’clock in the morning, hold your loved one a little tighter and then go back to sleep and then wake up at 1 o’clock in the afternoon and begin enjoying the rest of the day? (Quick aside: Notice how long that sentence was? And Microsoft grammar check did not even highlight it, am I good at breaking up a sentence or what? It also did not highlight the “and” at the beginning of the last sentence. Take that you grammar Nazi’s!!!)

On Sunday I spent the entire day (with the exception of about three hours in between to help a friend fix his broken left tail-light for his car) with the one I care about. We got up late-ish (not quite 1 o’clock but whatever), and we went downtown where we got lunch, walked around and then went ice-skating in Central Park (for four hours no less). The next thing we knew it was 10 o’clock. We barely did anything at all, really, yet the entire day was used up. Now if you ask me there is no better way to spend ones time.

Yet at the end of the weekend, however, I have to go back to work and she has to go back to school, and finals. Why do we bother with these things? What is the point? Is making a ton of money really that important? I often wonder if the people of this country truly realize that we spend most of our lives doing things that aid us in making money. For all those that have office jobs you work five days a week for the entirety of the middle of the day working so you can make money. For those that have service or consumer jobs (restaurants, department store etc.) you are working all hours of every week (including weekends) on making money. To what end? Do any of them realize that you barely get to see the ones you love or the ones you care about?

If money is our true objective, if money is what we spend our time working on then what is the point of getting married? Think about it! Most married couples only see each other at nights and on weekends (if they are so lucky). The rest of the time they are working to make enough money to support the families that they have spent so little time with.

Aeon Flux

2005-12-09T15:40:00.000-05:00

Recently, as I have already stated, I went to see "Aeon Flux" the movie. All in all it was a highly entertaining movie. Good action, good graphics, cool story and a hot chick in leather ... just kidding about that last part. Anyway, as I was saying, all in all it is a good movie. There was, however, one thing that happened at the end of the movie that still bothers me and I wish to address this issue for all of those who haven't seen the movie so that I can correct the mistake.

At the end of the movie, after all of the action is over, after all of the fighting is complete, after the story has begun to run down Trevor (the main male lead) asks one of his aides whether he was part of the whole plot (I will not divulge anything do not worry) and his aide responds with something along the lines of "We may be a lot of things but we aren't Anarchists!" !!

It is comments such as this that do not help. If one were to look up the term "anarchy" in the Merriam-Webters English dictioary one would find the following "a utopian society of individuals who enjoy complete freedom without government". When one reads the headlines in newspapers or listens to the news or hears quotes such as the afore mentioned from "Aeon Flux" one would definately not think that anarchy is supposed to be a utopian society. Instead, one would get the feeling that anarchy (and Anarchists) is an evil state. A lawless state to be avoided at all costs.

I will be the first to admit that there are radical Anarchists out there who are violent and should probably be jailed but that shouldn't make the term Anarchist a negative term. I could easily argue that there are some radical Christians out there who are violent. One's who wear white hats and wear bed-sheets and do stupid and terrible things in the name of ignorance. So because of these few should I then use the would Christian in a negative sense? (I am using Christian because I was raised a Christian and have been considered a Christian since birth).

So, to stop myself from going off onto a major topic and writing a book on this blog, for those of you who go to see "Aeon Flux" and for all of you who hear the term "Anarchist" or "anarchy" being used in a negative context please try to keep in mind that anarchy is supposed to be based on the ideal society and that, in general, most Anarchists are peaceful people. Thank you.

Tibet

2005-12-08T13:00:00.000-05:00

Today’s post is going back to my more informative posts rather than a personal post. A quick note before I go up on my soapbox, I apologize to all those looking forward to seeing the rest of my pictures from my Spain trip, I have been too lazy of late to post them, hopefully I will get them done soon. Also, for all of you who enjoy this post you can thank Blair who was having a discussion with me about this topic whilst in Spain. Now, back to the show

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I am not sure how familiar you all are with the recent history of Tibet or of the religious organization if the Tibetan Buddhists so here is a quick recap. In the 16th century a civil war broke out in Tibet between four major groups. Three of these groups were the three major religious sects of Tibetan Buddhists (the Gelugpa, the Kagyupa and the Jonang) the fourth group involved in the dispute was the secular leader the prince of Shang. The result of this conflict was such that the fifth Dalai Lama and the Gelugpa school of Tibetan Buddhism were able to unify all of the different factions that existed in Tibet under their rule. To cement this rule the fifth Dalai Lama moved the capital of Tibet from Drepung to Lhasa and began construction of the Potala Palace.

From this moment onwards, until 1950, the Dalai Lama and the Tibetan Buddhists have been the political and religious leaders of Tibet with their seat of power in Lhasa. With this in mind, the political and religious structure of Tibet is as follows: the overall leader of Tibet is the Dalai Lama who the Tibetans believe to be the present incarnation of the Avalokitesvara (the bodhisattva of compassion). The position of Dalai Lama is passed down through reincarnations. When one Dalai Lama dies a search is initiated to find the child who is the reincarnated Dalai Lama.

This process is the same for the second highest position in the Tibetan structure, the Panchen Lama. The Panachen Lama, in Tibetan thought, is the present incarnation of the Amitabha Buddha (the great scholar). One of the responsibilities of the Panchen Lama is finding the reincarnated Dalai Lama and then aiding in the education of the new child Dalai Lama (the Dalai Lama is, in turn, responsible for aiding in the finding of and education of the new child Panchen Lama). This process of reincarnation lineage has been in effect for 11 generations of Panchen Lama’s and 14 generations of Dalai Lama’s.

In 1950 the People’s Liberation Army of China entered Tibet and by 1951 had forced the signing of a treaty with the representatives of the Dalai Lama to allow for Tibet to come under China’s rule. This rule lasted until the late 1950’s when a rebellion took place (with the backing of the CIA) that threw Tibet into a state of chaos. The rebellion was eventually crushed and the Dalai Lama was forced to flee into exile to India where he remains today.

The Panchen Lama, however, did not flee and, for all intents and purposes, became a prisoner of the Chinese. The Chinese government placed the Panchen Lama as a figurehead in Lhasa claiming that he would be the head of the Government of Tibet in the absence of the Dalai Lama. After that the Chinese government began to break up what was originally Tibet into separate regions and also began to break up the monastic estates and introduced an entirely secular educations system. This process also lead to the destruction of approximately 6000 Buddhist monasteries all over Tibet.

During this time the Chinese government also claimed the right to choose the reincarnated lineage positions of the Dalai Lama and the Panchen Lama. This has lead to the current issue of the missing child of Gedhun Choekyi Nyima. In 1989 the 10th Panchen Lama died suddenly at the age of 51. With the death of the 10th Panchen Lama the search for his reincarnation began and on May 14, 1995 the Dalai Lama chose Gedhun Choekyi Nyima to be his successor. The Chinese government, however, using their newly claimed right to choose the successor, chose Gyancain Norbu as the new Panchen Lama.

The conflict between the two sides came to an abrupt end when soon after the two choices were made, Gedhun Choekyi Nyima and his family went missing from their home and have not been seen from or head of again. As of right now the current Panchen Lama is Gyancain Norbu and is the choice of the PRC (People’s Republic of China). The current Dalai Lama is 70 and will, in time, pass on. This will spark the search for his reincarnation. The Dalai Lama was quoted as saying that his reincarnation "will definitely not come under Chinese control; it will be outside, in the free world." Unfortunately, the one who is responsible for the search was put into the position by the PRC and therefore the search for, and the choice of, the next Dalai Lama will be heavily affected by the PRC.

The child, Gedhun Choekyi Nyima, and his family are still missing and the future of the Tibetan Buddhist religion is now being put in danger of losing it’s leader. If the roles of Dalai Lama and Panchen Lama are given over to the PRC then the future for a freed Tibet (and it’s culture) are lost.

Weekend Recap

2005-12-05T08:50:00.000-05:00

Well, this is a short recap of the last few days since I've been back. Well, on Friday I went to work in the morning and then took the rest of the day off to drive Melissa home. That night we went to a really cool sushi place alled Azuma and then chilled out the rest of the night. The next day was the rugby match between Manhattan College and Stony Brook out at Stony's campus (which is only a half hour drive from Melissa's). We ended up losing (which is no real surprise) to Stony by about 15 points (maybe 20). We did, however, hold our own we just need to work on a few things.

Sunday was a fun day of cleaning my house to make way for the christmas decorations and the tree. That night John, Melissa and I went to see Aeon Flux at the Palisades Mall. For all of you out there who wish to see Aeon Flux it is a really cool movie. Action packed, cool graphics, decent story and good acting. If you have seen the movie Dark City which came out in the early 90's then the story might seem a little familiar, just a little. Other than that it is a good all around movie.

After having such a good weekend today was bound to be a bad day. I had to go down to the city to do an investigation and cost analysis for some gym equipment that was supposedely damaged in a flood. When I was done I was going to take the rest of the day off and relax downtown but at the last minute my boss called me and said that I had to return immediately because there were things that I needed to do. So not only did I have to drive all the way back to Mamaroneck but I also missed lunch.

This evening and tonight should be good. I may even start running again (with the coolest person ever), so we shall see how I do with that. Then after a shower I will hopefully, again, hang out with the coolest, most bestest person on the planet =). Anyway, that is all for now.

Pictures

2005-12-02T09:46:00.000-05:00

Okay, I just put online about half of the pictures from the Spain trip so feel free to check them out at my webshots account. Hopefully by tomorrow (but no later than Monday) I will be able to have the rest of them online. Anyway, hope you enjoy them.

Home

2005-12-02T08:38:00.000-05:00

So I made it back in one piece. The flight from Atlanta to NYC was supposed to take 1 hour and 40 minutes but apparantely I passed out right after I sat down and the next thing I knew we were landing. So that worked out well. I was supposed to go to work on Thursday but was far too tired to go. That and I just couldn't take going back to the routine just yet. So instead of going to work I slept in, then went for a walk, got lunch, eventually went to rugby practice and played for a while. As you can see I was very productive with my time.

Today I am back at work which is quite depressing. This routine is going to make me go insane. Whatever, the things we do to move ahead in life. Just one little reminder for those of you out there who are reading this, Manhattan College's Rugby Team is playing Stony Brook tomorrow in the afternoon so if anyone wants to go please let me know and I will tell you where to meet us and so on. That is all I can think of right now. Later.

Back in the U.S.

2005-11-30T16:08:00.000-05:00

Well, I am back in the U.S. again. I am currently in Atlanta Georgia waiting for my connecting flight to N.Y. The airport here is a bit of a pain considering that no matter what one is doing (whether they have a connectig flight or not) one must go to baggage claim and retrieve all articles of luggage. Then if one does indeed have a connectig flight then one must re-check ones bags. This process combined with the whole security process here (which includes EVERYONE taking off their shoes) makes the connection process oh so much fun!

Anyway, after my last post last night Blair and I headed back to the hostel to get to bed early because we both had to be out of Madrid in the morning, but instead of going to sleep we sat up till 2 AM talkig. So much for getting a full nights sleep. We did get up n time and we both made our travel arrangments with ease so at the end of the day it didnn't matter.

The flight was a little on the boring side. I prefer overnight flights rather than day flights. It is so much easier to fall asleep on an overnight flight. Either way, I am back in the U.S. and will be home soon. Ta.

Spain: Day 4, finished

2005-11-29T14:32:00.000-05:00

Well, that last post was going to be the last post in Europe but, well, clearly it is not ... clearly.

Blair and I went out in search for a place to eat dinner tonight and stumbled across this absolutely amazing Indian restaurant that I just had to post a blog about. We opened the menu and it took us about 20 minutes to actually decide on what to order. Then, not only was the food amazing but so were the prices. They had curry (lamb, chicken, fish, prawn!), they had nan bread and paratha and they had mango chutney, and the list goes on and on, and we ate as much as we could. Then after dinner (and dessert) we went back to the bakery that we enjoy so much and had a second dessert. If you ask me this was the best way to end my trip to Spain. Anyway, I will be heading back tomorrow morning so I should be back tomorrow night. See you all soon.

Spain: Day 4

2005-11-29T10:45:00.000-05:00

Well, today was a bit more organized then yesterday. We got up early to get breakfast and then head down to the Archaeology Museum that is up the street from the Prado. The museum was really interesting. A lot of the stuff there was from Spanish digs but there was a wide range of history covered so it was still rather fascinating. There were a number of amazing mosaics that were inlaid into the floors. Some of the mosaics were even hanging from the wall, which, admittedly, is a very odd place for a mosaic but who is to judge? At least one can still see it.

After the archaeology museum Blair and I walked to the train station to try and find out about trains to Barcelona (for her, not me, I will be returning to the U.S.). The line at the train station was insanely long so we gave up and took the Metro to the bus depot to take us up to Escorial where there is a huge monestary that houses an amazing collection of religious art, tapestries and bodies. That's right, bodies! The monestary has a very large moseleum which is the resting place for many of the kings, queens and nobles of the royal families of Spain. There is even a large marble tomb that has 60 separate niches for the infant nobles that died before puberty.

The town of Escorial is a cute town that is a little ways up into the mountains that surround Madrid. It is filled with many narrow streets and is shadowed by the mountain that it is built upon. The ride to Escorial is about an hour for Madrid and takes one on a nice ride through the Spanish countryside. We are back at the hostel now and are trying to see what else we can do before tomorrow when we are both heading off to other places. This may end up being the last post written in Europe so see you all soon.

Spain: Day 3

2005-11-28T22:53:00.000-05:00

Even though the last post says "Spain: Day 2, finished" I actually ended up going out again for another walkaround the area. There was a Anarchist cafe type thing that I had seen earlier in my trip and I wanted to see if I could find it again. Alas, I did not and fear that I will leave here without seeing it again. Anyway, on to better things.

Today we got up just in time for breakfast and headed out. We didn´t really have any official plans so we ended up walking around a lot of the downtown area and saw a lot of the sites that we had missed in the past few days. We saw the Catedral de Nuestra Senora de la Almudena, and then the Palacio Real (which is next door so it wasn´t that far). We then walked up to the Temple of Debod which is a slightly larger but similar style structure as the temple that is in the Met in NYC. From the Temple we were able to see a lot of the southern part of Madrid and also a cool view of the Palace and the Cathedral.

After the temple we decided to get some lunch and ate at a little cafe that was up the street from the hostel. We ate croissant sandwiches and had coffe and then walked down to the HUGE park in the center of downtown. The park was fun, there was a gigantic monument that one of the kings had built for himself as a reward for defeating the French or something along those lines, so we, like good little tourists, decided to take a picture and ignore the history.

For the most part that was the end of our day. We did walk around a bit more and we did eventually get dinner at this nice little place on a side street but all in all that was the day. Now I am going back up to my room to listen to some music, read some of my books and write about how immature some people have turned out to be in my personal journal (not for the eyes of the public). Tomorrow is the last day in Spain but it is looking to be fun. I will be heading back Wednesday morning and will be back Wednesday night. To those who I care about I will see you soon.

Spain: Day 2, finished

2005-11-27T17:06:00.000-05:00

Well the rest of the day was rather uneventful. Blair ended up sleeping for about three hours due to the fact that she hasn't had a proper rest in a while. This, in turn, gave me the opportunity to walk around the streets of Madrid on my own at leisure. It was relaxing and I can definately feel Spain growing on me. I can see myself visiting here again in the near future, especially after I have taken more Spanish classes for school.

After my walk and after Blair woke up we went out to eat. We walked around for a bit at first and I picked up a few things we then headed over to a Kebab place that we found earlier in the day and had a really filling meal. We then headed back to the hostel. Along the way we passed a pastry shop and bought a few things and then went back to the hostel. Blair pretty much went back to sleep and I read some more of the books that I brought with me (yes I brought three books with me...don't judge). Anyway, that is all for today. Tomorrow is kind of up in the air because it looks like a lot of things are closed in Monday's so we will see what happens.

Spain: Day 2

2005-11-27T11:23:00.000-05:00

Today we gotup early to eat the free breakfast that they offer here. It wasn't the best but is was free so there is no complaining from me. This morning while having breakfast Blair ran into someone that she had met earlier on her travels and she invited the girl to accompany us for the day. So after breakfast we decided to go up the street to the Plaza de Mayor where there was supposed to be a really cool open air flea market. When we got there, however, the only vendors that were there were a lot of stamp sellers, coin sellers and a few trinket sellers. There were a few booths in the middle of the plaza but they were all closed. So we decided to just move on and go to the Prado museum.

The Prado is a really impressive museum, however, the collection is mostly Spanish paintings from between the 16th century to the 19th and there is a smaller collection from the 20th and 21st century. All in all the museum doesn't compare to the Met in NYC or the Louvre in Paris in either size or variety but it was still pretty impressive. There was one really cool piece that I took a picture of (which will be posted when I get back). At first glimpse it looks like a painting but upon closer inspection it is really made up of small, thin pieces of colored stone.

After the museum we got lunch at McDonalds (I know,I know, not a great choice but it's the first thing we found). Then after lunch we went back to the flea market to see if it had picked up. It had picked up but it was still mostly stamps, coins and trinkets and the booths were mostly selling christmas decorations.

We then decided to walk around the area for a bit and happened to stumble across the real flea market down the street. It was in fact huge and had everything from clothes to toys and tools and all sorts of stuff. So we shopped around a bit and got a few things and then came back to the hostel for a rest. I napped and showered while Blair used the computer and now I am using the computer while Blair naps and showers. We shall see what happens later but for now that is all.

Spain: Day 1, finished

2005-11-27T02:18:00.000-05:00

Well after Blair showed up she and I went walking around the area where the hostel is. We walked and talked for an hour before deciding on a place to eat. The palce we fianlly stopped at was kind of like a sandwich buffet type of deal. They make these little sandwich wedges and you just walk in and take the ones you want and then they charge you for however much you take.

Afterwards we came back to the hostel to put on some more layers due to the fact tha the weather is actually pretty cold. We then headed out again for another to hour to kill some time till 10 (cause they were giving out free food with a purchase of a beer at the hostels bar from 10 till midnight) and also to escape the people we were staying in the room with.

Our hostel, this weekend, has been swamped with a large number of American college students who are studying abroad and wanted to take a weekend trip to Madrid. Normally I wouldn´t have a problem with this except that they are staying in the rooms and drinking together cause none of them like to travel and they all miss the U.S. and they can´t wait to just go home and not come back (these are all direct quotes). If one feels this way then why would one travel all the way to France to study abroad and then on top of that why would one waste even more money and time to travel to Madrid on the weekend just to lock oneself with a bunch of friends into a room at a hostel just to drink?? Clearly I don´t get it.

I don´t see how one cannot enjoy travelling, but then again I was raised with it. Anyway that is all for now, tomorrow Blair and I are going to explore the open air flea market held every Sunday morning at the Plaza Mayor and then we shall see where the wind blows us after that. In case any of you know Blair and want to see how here travels are progressing or if you just want to hear a funny story about a guy named Todd who ditched Blair on Thanksgiving then here is the link to her travel blog: http://blogs.bootsnall.com/Blair/. Love to all that are back home.

Spain: Day 1

2005-11-26T09:30:00.000-05:00

So, I am in Spain. My flight got in today. to Madrid, at about noon and I found may way to my hostel, checked in and pretty much passed out. The hostel is pretty cool. It has free internet services so I should be able to keep this updated. I´m not going to lie, the hostel in Aberdeen was nicer in a few ways. It did, after all, have a HUGE kitchen for all to use. This place is not bad though. We do get free breakfast every morning and there is a bar built into the hostel for the geusts to use. All in all this place is pretty good.

A lot of the people who are staying at this hostel speak english which is kind of cool. It seems like a lot of them are still college students from the U.S. Currently I am waiting for my friend to get here. Her train gets into Madrid in about an hour so until then I will most likely just go for a walk in the area (I have pics, I just need to download them so be patient). Anyway, that is all for now.

Thanksgiving

2005-11-23T14:44:00.000-05:00

Have you ever met someone or gained something in life that makes you smile? Someone or something that makes your day better just cause it's there? Someone or something that when you think about it you suddenly can't help but try and have a good day? Things like that are amazing, no matter what they are. More important than the things that do this are the people who have this effect. They are the ones that make life wonderful and amazing. They are the ones whom we grow to cherish.

If you know someone like this in your life let them know how much they mean to you this Thanksgiving season. Have a happy holiday everyone.

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For those of you who read this with any kind of regularity this is just to let you know that over the next few days I will try my best to update here and let people know how the trip is going. i will also try and post pictures during the trip but no promises, if anything I will post them upon my return. The site for my pics is: http://community.webshots.com/user/mwalker05

Rain

2005-11-22T16:51:00.000-05:00

I love rain. That's all there is to it. I love all kinds of rain. Admitedly there are some forms of rain which I prefer, but at the end of the day I love rain. I love how rain washes everything away. Rain cleans away all the grime and filth that we humans decide to let accumulate on the planet. I love the sound the rain makes. I could listen to the sound of rain all day. Last night while I was laying in bed awake I just lay there listening as the rain fell. When it rains it makes getting up harder too, cause I become too relaxed with the sound of the rain.

Rainy days are always nice too. When you walk around everyone is rushing to get inside so the sidewalks are clear for people to just walk and enjoy. I also feel refreshed walking in the rain. I sometimes just let go while I stand in the rain and let life's complications wash away for the few moments that I stand there. Then, like today, once the rain finshes the world seems so much more clean. The air is more crisp, the colors in the sky are more defined. Without trying to sound to over dramatic, I feel that the time right after a rainfall is the world at it's best and brightest.

My brother....

2005-11-21T16:59:00.000-05:00

I usually don't like to post more than once in a day but I just needed to get this off my chest or I will break down again. Have you ever known anyone who you just wish you could take away their pain? Have you ever known anyone who you wish you could trade places with them, even for a day, so that they might have that one day of no pain, no complications and no worries? If you do know someone like this then you know how I feel.

My twin brother has a disease called chrones disease. Without going into the specifics of this disease I will say that whenever he eats his intestines (or rather a section of his intestines) causes him great pain, if he eats certain foods the pain is not as bad, other causes him enormous pain, and this will be with him for the rest of this life.

One of the unfortunate things about this disease is that he is requred to take a hefty number of medication, daily. These medications are designed to give him some nutirents that he is missing and to help to ebb the pain in whatever way they can. The problem is , is that these medications can sometimes alter the bodies internal chemistry in negative ways. One of these was a few years ago when his immune system was being repressed so much that he ended up getting testicular cancer and had to have an operation to remove the cancer. My brother has been in and out of the local hospital so many times in the past few years that, even though this is NYC, he is on a first name basis with the security guards and the tech staff at the hospital.

Another, recent, turn for the worse, has been that the lining between the walls of his bladder and his intestines has thined out to a point where stuff is passing from one organ into the other and stuff that was supposed to exit out one way is now, quite painfully, exiting out another way. Due to this new turn of events and the remaining problem of chrones my brother will have days where he spends two thirds of the day in the bathroom not knowing what will happen next.

He gets up in the morning, he has to take a number of different pills and drink his supplement. He then makes sure that he empties out his system so that the possibility of an accident is lessened and then he goes through his day, taking more pills and supplements. Whenever he eat is hurts, whenever he goes to the bathrrom it hurts. He has been finding it hard to go even two miles walking without needing a break. He really wants to spend more time outside and hanging out with me but he is afraid that something might happen while he is out so all of our trips are carefully planned.

I don't like to admit this but I feel that if I don't it might happen again. I have not truly cried since the age of about 10 or 11. I have been doing a good job over the years to control my emotions (whether they be anger, grief or sadness). Within the past week I have cried twice. Today was the second time and was due to my brother (the other occurance is entirely peripheral and in light of this seems rather foolish and selfish). He and I are twins. I, relatively speeking, have almost no problems (and have had almost no problems) due to being two months premature and twins. My brother has lived his life with a new series of events effecting him. When we were kids it was his eyesight and his hearing, he then had four hernia's at the same time when we were a little older. Then the chrones stared to take affect. I wish, with all my heart, that there could be some way for me to trade places with him, even for a day, so that he could have one day that was normal. He has earned at least this much with all that he has endured. I feel that it should be me dealing with all that and not him. He will be sitting there wathcing a movie and will just get very sad and just whisper to himself "why me?".

One day....that is all I ask....just one.....

Thoughts

2005-11-21T09:28:00.000-05:00

Well, it's Monday. This means that it is t-minus three days until my escape to Spain. I CAN NOT WAIT!! I need this more than anything. I need to get away. I need to escape. I have told friends on many an occaision that running away from ones problems is not the answer and will only delay the innevitable, but I guess there are times when one just needs to get away from everything that reminds them of the past afterall, that is the best way to move on.

Moving on...(sorry bad pun). I have been considering things about my life lately (as one can tell from my worthless rants) and I think that, for my own well being, I must quit my job as soon as I can. This may, however, mean that I will stay on through Februray so that the company can hire someone else and I can train them but that is fine by me. I need to be in an environment where I can learn and possibly even teach. With my current job neither of these things are happening and also ther is very little room to do either things on the side.

On another note. It appears that I will not be celebrating Thanksgiving this year. My family is going up to Utica for the weekend to visit my granparents and with me leaving for Spain on Friday the logistics of my travelling up to Utica gets far too complicated. It might actually be nice to have a day entirely to myself. A day where I know that no one will be calling on me for anything because they will be with their families. A day where no one will be bothering me or more importantly be thinking about me and therefore be bothered by me.

....I can't wait to get away...

Harrry Potter

2005-11-18T11:39:00.000-05:00

So, tonight is Harry Potter night. It's funny how something can suck you in like Harry Potter. Up until this last Christmas I had never read any of the books nor had I seen any of the movies. I thought that they were just childrens books, something along the lines of Encyclopeadia Brown but with a little bit of magic and such. Then for Christmas my twin brother received the Harry Potter set of movies (the first three) so I decided to sit down with him and watch them. That's all it took, I was hooked.

I then proceeded to read books four and five (I had just watched movies one through three and felt that reading them immediately afer would kind of defeat the purpose). Then when book six came out I got it the day of and started reading as soon as I got home from work and did not stop reading it until I had finished it. Afterwards I went back and read the first three books, just so I could make sure that I wasn't missing anything.

I have a few friends (and you know who you are) who refuse to read any of the books or watch any of the movies. One of the reasons that I've heard for this refusal to be entertained is that Harry Potter is too much of a popular fad. Like "The DaVinci Code" before and all of the other popular fads, these people feel that they are above the hype and will not lower themselves to that of the masses. All I have to say to that is that sometimes, just sometimes, the masses are right and on top of that why would you want to miss out on having a good time for the sake of appearance.

J.K. Rowling has created a world that is both fun and serious at the same time and has written a series of books that are not just for children but can also be greatly enjoyed by adults too. Now, those who know me are most likely waiting for the commetn about how J.K. Rowling is scottish and thus is automatically head and shoulders above most other writers but I will leave it out because, in my opinion it is a given.

Anyway, for all of you who have embraced the Harry Potter series and are enjoying it as much as I am I hope you all go see the movie and I hope you all enjoy it.

Changes

2005-11-17T11:36:00.000-05:00

Well, it’s been a short while since my last post. I was going to do a piece on the violence that erupted in France but by the time I finished reading p about it the storm had passed. I may still do one on the politics of the situation but it will obviously have a different spin on it. Anyway, the reason why I have not posted in a while (for anyone out there who actually reads this regularly) was because over the past few weeks my life has taken a few odd turns and spills and I’ve come to a few realizations which I needed to mull over.

The obvious thing that causes me grief and stress is work and my office. It just seems to get worse and worse. I now have to account for every minute of my day because apparently the work I do doesn’t seem to be able to fill up a day and I am not being productive enough for the company. So now I have to be able to account for every second of every hour of every day whenever my boss asks me what I am working on. I feel that I am being treated more and more like a child every day that I work here and that the only reason why I was hired in the first place was so that my boss could keep his squire for as long as possible.

Another piece of added stress this week was my court appearance for the speeding ticket which I received this summer. I drove all the way out to Norwich Connecticut (two and a half hours from my house) to try and reduce the possible points of the violation but alas I was not successful and soon my parents will have the insurance rates increase by at least ten percent. The only good that came out of the five our car ride was that I was able to get the fine reduced from $300 to $140 (that and I got out of work for the day).

The other reason why it has been a while since my last post is because my mind has been having a hard time concentrating on any one thing for the past few days. For some time now I have been holding on to a hope that a relationship which I was in, and meant a lot to me, wasn’t really over just in a state of pause but I guess I found out this week that it might actually be over (not in a bad way mind you, the person is still in my life just not in the way that I had wished; not in a way which my feelings and emotions would have wished). I am still greatly confused about the whole thing and feel like a month ago someone just suddenly turned out the lights and since then I have been stumbling along blindly not knowing if what I am doing is the right thing or not. At least now I have some sort of idea of where things stand, at least now have some idea of what I am supposed to do.

Over the past few days all of these things have been going through my head and I realized that I have fallen into a hole and I never realized it so I kept going. I have the same routine every day. I go to work at the same hours every day, I park in the same spot every day at work and home. I shower at the same time, I eat at almost the same time every day, I visit friends the same times during the week. The sports I play are even regimented out into exact time intervals. You could almost photocopy one week of my life and paste it onto other weeks and I wouldn’t even notice the difference.

This realization has led to a few things. Firstly I will be taking a long needed vacation to Spain to visit a friend of mine. Mostly the trip is for me to escape everything that is going on here but I have also never been to Spain and I cannot wait to go there. Another thing that this realization has led to is the serious consideration of quitting my current job. The only person who I am helping with this job is myself (and possibly the insurance companies that I help to save money). I cannot keep doing this. I need to help people. I need to feel like I am doing some good in this world. Whether it is teaching (which is what I would love to do) or building homes or whatever I need to help people, it is what I am good at, it is what makes me feel happy. I have been living a greedy self-centered life for the past few months, only thinking about myself, only looking out for my needs and making myself happy. This is not who I was, this is not what I do and this is not who I am….

Remembrance

2005-11-07T23:25:00.000-05:00

Have you ever walked outside in the morning and just had an extreme feeling of déjà vu? I’m not talking about a slight feeling like maybe you might have done one action before. I am talking about a feeling like the clothes you are wearing are exactly the same.
The way the wind hits your face and the air temperature feel exactly the same. The way the sun warms you is exactly the same. These feelings then trigger a feeling of remembrance of something so special that you suddenly feel the pangs of sadness that have been building for weeks because you realize that there is a chance that you may never be able to go back to that day you are now remembering?

Well, this happened to me this weekend. I stepped outside and if I was a weaker man it is possible that my legs may have buckled underneath me from the weight of all the emotions that I have been trying to bottle up over the past month. Everything I was wearing, everything I was doing and even the weather was the same as a day that I had this summer: a day which was amazing. This memory then brought back all of the amazing days from this past summer. Almost immediately after these memories flooded through me, is when it all came crashing down around me (or rather within me).

Over the past month I have been doing my best to ignore, bottle up and or run away from any adverse emotion that I have felt in order to not do anything stupid or cause anyone any unneeded stress. The problem with avoiding things such as emotions is that because they are internal you cannot get very far without them catching up to you, especially when you open up your heart to a memory so close to your heart as the ones I was remembering.

Emotion is a fickle mistress (to use a much overused, clichéd phrase). Emotion can make one feel almost invincible, emotion can make a man feel like he is the luckiest man in the world. At the same time, emotion has this knack for turning on people out of nowhere and just when you get used to feeling a certain way it sneaks up and surprises you with something new, different and, sometimes, not very pleasant. My response to this is to usually bottle things up and run, run as far away form my emotions as I can. Not very mature I know, but effective. I think, however, that the best thing to do is to accept how you feel, even talk it out with someone, because this way it makes it easier to deal with, easier to control. I have yet to do any of this but it sounds like a reasonable solution, now lets see if it works…

The Most Deadly of Sins

2005-11-03T10:13:00.000-05:00

"Someday maybe there will exist a well-informed well considered,
and yet fervent public conviction that the most deadly of all
possible sins is the mutilation of a child's spirit.."

~Erik Erikson

Someone whom I hold very close to my heart gave me that quote not to long ago. This person, over the summer, brought to my attention, something that I've always known was there but always figured that there was nothing I could do and that someone else was taking care of it. Until this summer I never realized just how prevalent child abuse is in this country (or for that matter around the world).

The reason for this post is that yesterday in New Jersey a Ms. Murphy and her son were sentenced to prison for their roles in the death of a seven-year-old boy and the subsequent mistreatment and endangerment of the boys' two other brothers, all of who were in Ms. Murphy's care. For the record this case is the incident that opened the doors to the flaws and gaping holes in the New Jersey child welfare system back in 2002, and has led to major changes such as the hiring of 600 new caseworkers and the hiring of a new director in the system. I will spare the details of the case since it is in the papers and online but I will say that even though there have been many changes made to the child welfare system it is still not perfect.

The person who brought child abuse to my attention this summer did so while we were in Honduras by getting me into a series of three books written by Mr. Dave Peltzer. The book titles are "A Child Called It", "The Lost Boy" and "A Man Named Dave". These three books jerked me out of my apathy towards the matter. Child abuse is something that most people either would rather not think about, don’t think about or figure that it’s not their problem so why should I care. I will admit, I was one of those people, I just didn’t think about it at all and if I did it was something that bothered me so much that I just said, someone else more responsible should be dealing with it already. It’s that kind of attitude that allows for incidents such as the Murphy case to happen.

The person who gave me the quote by Mr. Erikson is currently getting her degree so that she can go into social work. People like her; Mr. Erikson and all those involved in fighting against and dealing with child abuse are, in my opinion, unsung heroes. They see the worst that mankind has to offer and they give these children hope, and new life. There is no excuse for the abuse and mistreatment of children but it happens and it’s those in the fight to prevent child abuse neglect and mistreatment, those that have to see it and then deal with it, that deserve our praise and our thanks.

Ms. Murphy received 25 years in prison with the possibility of parole after 16 years but she has now affected those children in ways that may affect the rest of their lives.

People in Need

2005-11-02T12:59:00.000-05:00

I was sitting at work today and the girls in the office started talking about the whole bird flu thing and all of the other tragedies that have occurred this year (and by “girls” I mean the three secretaries of the office, they are “the girls” and the engineers are “the boys” … and I for some reason am neither … it’s kind of sad actually, but I digress). One of the things that came up was the Katrina relief fund at which point the discussion turned on to me. Apparently, I, and many other people in the U.S., are irresponsible citizens. Why you ask? Well it’s because I go to places like Honduras to help people rather than staying here.

To them I shouldn’t worry about other people in the world until we have taken care of the people of the U.S. So now, to them, I am unpatriotic and apparently I don’t care about what happens to the people here. What I find so funny about this whole thing is that the girls, when they are talking about helping people in the U.S., are talking about helping those who have lost in the tragedies of this year. If there is no tragedy then everything is ok. They don’t seem to remember that there are 32,130 individuals (including men, women and children) who are homeless in New York City alone. Obviously, those that have lost personal property in the tragedies deserve our help now. Those, however, who are in need of help on a daily basis, are negligible.

Yet, even those 32,140 people in New York City still have a chance, not a great one necessarily, but there is still a chance. The government of the U.S. is not so bad as to not have some programs in place to attempt to help those in need on their soil. Those in Honduras, on the other hand, live in a country where the government does what it has to in order to save face for the rest of the world, but that is as far as they go. Even the programs that are in existence in Honduras to help the poor are mostly run by NGO’s (non-governmental organizations). In Honduras 45.1% of the countries population lives off of only $2 a day and since the beginning of 2001, 14,000 children have been orphaned due to the AIDS epidemic. These previous statistics are practically non-existent in the U.S.

So when someone tells me that I am unpatriotic because I would rather travel to a place such as Honduras to help the people there rather then help those in the U.S. I will remind them that they may belong the country that they live in but they are also human beings and as such should be concerned with the welfare of all of those around the world, no matter what country they are from, no matter what race they are, no matter what their religious beliefs are, no matter what sex, age or orientaion they are. People who are in need should recieve whatever help we can give them. Those that do not agree are the ones who should feel ashamed about themselves.

Time

2005-11-01T19:06:00.000-05:00

I had another idea for a post but after having a very … interesting … conversation with my friend Blair I decided to write about this instead. She and I were talking about a lot of thing and one of the topics that came up was a discussion of time. We were talking about how, for example, when you think of an event that happened in the past, can it feel like it happened yesterday and yet, at the same time it can also seem like it happened ages ago.

Eventually we got to discussing how one measures the passing of a year and then Blair attempted to break into songs from Rent, however, the question remains, of what importance is the allotment of time. Hours, minutes and seconds are good measurements to be sure but at what cost. We, as a society, have given ourselves over to this measurement system. In fact, one could argue that our entire lives revolve around the measurement of time (and the making of money but that is another post for another day).

Think about it. You get up in the morning, you shower, you eat, and you brush your teeth. All of this done within a certain amount of time so that you can get to work or school on time. Once at work or at school you have to be in certain places at certain times. For work you have to be doing work for the hours that you are supposed to be at work. You get an hour for lunch and then you work again. Then at the end of the last hour of your shift you go home. For school you go in, for this hour you are here, for the next you are there. You may have an hour to eat, then another hour at another place after that.

This day-to-day, week-to-week, routine is all done within the publicly accepted norm that out society has planned out to guide our lives. This guide goes as follows: by your third year of life you start school. You must spend the next fourteen years in the proper education system going up in stages of allotted time (three years here, four years there etc.). By your seventeenth year of life you may, if you choose, drop out of the education system at which point you enter the rigmarole of the workplace (outlined above) or if you wish to continue in the education system you then finish one more year in school and then pick whichever four year school you wish to go to (as long as you can afford it too, again the money thing, but we’ll get to that another day).

During this process of education you are rewarded, by society, with gifts befitting your age and maturity. At your sixteenth year you are suddenly mature enough to drive, not before. At your eighteenth year you are now mature enough to slowly kill yourself with cigarettes, to enlist yourself into the military, to vote in elections of officials and to get yourself into monetary debt by having credit cards and personal bank accounts and so on (again! The money thing keeps popping up!). Remember, though, you are not socially mature enough to do any of this before eighteen. Then at your twenty-first year you are allowed to lose yourself in the doldrums of alcohol (of which this writer has had personal experience). Again, only after the specified year are you mature enough to do this.

There! Everything is now organized. We have a perfect blueprint of time to help guide our lives to betterment. But … if this is the perfect blueprint … why then are there children who are held back in school. Why do workers sneak in games of Spider Solitaire at work? Why do students suddenly have the urge to just not go to class? Could it be that maybe, just maybe, the human spirit and the human imagination do not follow the laws of our perfectly measured time? Maybe, when we were regimenting our lives, we forgot to make room for our minds and our hearts. This is the only way that I can explain why it feels like forever since my last favorite hug instead of just being four days, thirteen hours and however many minutes. Or why when I think of green eyes that always seem to change colour time, and my heart, always seems to stop.

Up again...

2005-10-29T03:06:00.000-05:00

Well that last post was a little bit personal and depressing. All I am going to say on the subject is that when you hit rock bottom there is only one way to go, and that is up which, as of right now, is where I am heading.

Things are always a lot more complicated and a lot more intricate then they appear at first. Sometimes, the best thing to do is to let something ride it's course to see what happens rather than trying to alter that course to get to where you want it to go. I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of the time the final destination is either where you wanted it to go or is something better that maybe you didn't see at first or just didn't know existed.

Can we say rock bottom?

2005-10-27T22:51:00.000-05:00

Well, it's official, I just hit rock bottom. Not really through my fault alone but I did it. I just got back from the bar and the reason I left is cause I realized that I was pretty much drinking alone. All of my friends left and I literally had no one else who wanted to be there with me.

Anyway, I came home and now sit in solitude writing this and eventually reading. Reading alone is a lot better than drinking alone...

Being lost...

2005-10-24T10:43:00.000-05:00

I was talking to one of my few good friends today. Right now he is going through something that I had gone through a little over five months ago. He said that he feels like he is losing his mind, he feels lost. We talked a bit more on the subject and a few things occurred to me that I guess I have always felt to be true but never thought about before. Humans need conflict. They need something to fight for; it could be a cause, an idea or even a person.

When I graduated college this past May (or rather when I just barely graduated clawing a scratching my way through a program that I, due to my incompetence, almost failed out of) I found myself at a point where I was ready to back out of the spotlight, and slip away into obscurity. I had just graduated a program that I had no intention of pursuing, absolutely no desire to continue in and was in a job in that field that made me want to kick myself for every day that I stayed there. I guess I had a dream of some kind, but it felt like such an impossible, unattainable ambition that I felt that there was almost no point in even trying. I had only a few real friends and only one real emotional attachment (my twin brother). Everything seemed to allow for me to just wander off and disappear.

Then, not two days after my graduation I took a trip, a school sponsored trip, to Honduras. There I discovered in myself something that I had known had been there all along, and something that I knew that I was good at: helping people. I also realized that my far away dream maybe wasn't as far away as I thought and that it was something worth trying for. The most important thing that happened to me while I was there and the thing that may have been the catalyst for the light that I now had was meeting the girl who would eventually become my girlfriend. When I had thought I had reached a point where I had nothing to lose and no goals or ambitions I was given a spark of light that lead me away from that dark road. I was given something to fight for.

I was terrified to have this new emotional connection in my life, what if I screwed it up? What if I made mistakes? What if I lose her? It didn't matter. All that mattered was that I cared for her and that I now had something to fight for, namely love. All men (and women) need something to fight for. It can be an idea such as a religious, political or philosophical belief; it can be a goal or ambition, such as attaining a degree in something or going into a certain field or buying that new house. Or, the one thing that all men (and women) seem to want is to fight for love.

It is my belief that these things that we fight for define who we are. They mold us; they shape us they turn us into who we will become. You can tell a lot about a person by what they fight for, what they struggle for. For my part I know that I have been made a better person by the things that I fight for, whether it be me trying to get into grad school or trying to make the best of the career that I am in now. The thing that has made me the person I am today, however, is the love that I fight for. Humans, as a race, need conflict what is it that you fight for?

Poker and Life

2005-10-23T12:13:00.000-05:00

I have been thinking a lot about how people deal with certain situations in their lives. Without trying to be too cliché, it is actually a lot like a game of poker. Let’s say you start something in life and the reason why you started with it was because things were looking up. The cards scenario would be being dealt king and ace suited, let us say spades for the hell of it. Then things start to happen that change your outlook, but, it still isn’t too bad so you stay in. Cards: the flop turns out to be king, queen, and ten of hearts. You still have a pair of kings, that’s not bad you can still take this.

Then things take a “turn” for the worse (excuse the pun). You have invested enough of yourself into whatever it was you started that you would look like an ass and a chicken if you pulled out now. Cards: the turn is a jack of hearts and all but one of your opponent’s folds and this one opponent, who is not that great at bluffing, bets half his stacks. You on the other hand have bought into this hand already and really cannot just let this guy take all your money and walk away. So you stay in, I mean, you still have a pair, a good one to boot, and you also now have a straight, admittedly this guys probably has the royal straight flush, but I mean, come on, what are the chances of that right?

So you trudge on with some kind of half hearted logic that explains why you are still carrying on with this charade. I mean why would you give up now, you’re still in it, and you know what people would say if you backed out now, after you’ve invested so much. Cards: you look at what the possibilities are and you convince yourself that there is no way that the impossible has happened and you bet in and keep playing.

It is now do or die time. You are now at the deciding point. Something comes up in this great investment of yours that has thrown you for a loop. Something in life happens that makes you reconsider everything that you’ve invested into this and you finally wonder if it’s all worth it, but … to back out now would look bad, I mean, you’ve gone this far. Cards: the river card is a two of clubs but our dear friend sitting across from you bets in again, and a lot. You know that you have a decent hand, but the possibility of what he has, the possibility of losing everything you’ve invested into this, is so great now.

The question becomes how much do you care for this investment. If it’s a financial investment (as in the cards scenario) then maybe it’s worth it to bow out now, not gracefully anymore, but it is not that bad. If it is a personal investment, such as a relationship, what do you do? Some would say that the cards are definitely not in your favor and even though it might look bad you should gently get out now. If you look at the odds and the way things seem to be going and the fact that you have no idea about what is actually going on other than with your life (or your cards) it, statistically, makes sense to close up shop and retire.

Some, however, like me, would say that you have a good hand to play, and the pot (the investment or relationship) is worth so much to you that you should stay in. You have invested into this not out of greed but because you saw something there when you started that may have changed a little but it’s still there in another form, in another hand. To me this is what makes a person human is not doing something out of self preservation but to take the risk, beat the odds and see the other persons hand, see what the outcome is. (another cliché here) Until the cards are all on the table and you can see how each man (or woman) stands. If the investment is worth it, you should keep fighting until the end. Always.

As for our card scenario I leave that up to you to finish. I know some who would write it such that the other guy has the ace of hearts and takes everything you own in a single hand. I know others, however, would write it such that the guy only had a ten and a queen, not suited, and because you stayed in it, because you kept fighting, you win the pot and you keep everything that you invested and more, because you got through this rough spot you now know more about yourself for next time. So depending on who you are and how you see things, you finish this hand however you will…

And so it begins....

2005-10-21T13:29:00.000-05:00

Well this is just a test of this blogging system, if this were an actual blog you would be reading this as if you were watching a train wreck, reading on earnestly, but wanting to look away, please stay tuned for further instructions....